#i certainly didn't have a phone worthy of taking videos

[richardgrimes]

just realized if things had been different i could have been at the olympics currently

[alittlefrenchtree]

Curious Anon again! Sorry to send you so many asks but your mind is so interesting! You also said this on that ask about Taylor acting: "Taylor was so organic as Alex I was almost immediately on board with him. For me, it was everything to do with the sincerity and heart with which he played him, rather than being an award worthy performance or not. It wasn’t perfect but it was perfectly Alex so it was good. And I suspect the very few of my issues with it would fall on the directing and the editing of it rather than Taylor’s work". Could you please elaborate on how you suspect the few issues you have with Taylor's performance as Alex could fall on the directing and editing of the movie rather than Taylor's work please? I have my suspicions cause I've thought the same as well, but I would love to hear what you think.

Please don’t apologize I love these kind of questions 🙏 Thank you for asking them 💜

[yes, I did take photos of my screen with my phone because you can’t screenshot on prime video and I’m too lazy to find a cleaner solution]

The main moment I had in mind when I wrote this was the "Alex is so in love he could die" shot. Yeah, yeah I know. Let me explain before y'all jump in my inbox.

First time I saw this shot, I knew what the movie was trying to tell me but the message never reached me. And it was so weird because I was very much in tune with with Alex’s feeling at the moment. Karaoke!Henry was my Oh. moment about Henry and the moment I, too, fell a bit in love with him as well. So I was very much on board with the projet. And the worst part of it is I see everything Matthew and Taylor have done and why it has worked on most people.

I know how it supposed to contrast with how animated Alex’s face is in every other scene of the movie. And there, everything slow down, quiet down and he’s stunned by the weight of what he just realized. I know, and it’s there and yet it didn’t work on me. It never does actually. And to be honest, I don’t know what could have been made differently to reach me. But I think my issue isn’t with Taylor’s acting because, making Alex’s feelings for Henry very visible on his face isn’t an issue for me anywhere else in the movie. My best guess is that there is another take of this shot that was made for me but has been cut off and left on the floor of the editing room. But I don’t know what the directions given by Matthew were and sometimes, a scene doesn’t work also because of this. And given how many times I disagree with Matthew’s directing over the course of the movie, it wouldn’t be really surprising. 

Like in this?

Who even did the blocking of this scene? Why nobody saw this and said this look ridiculous? It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Same vibe for the reunion hug at Kensington. As soon as I heard "I’m coming to London tonight" I was SO HYPED. I wanted to feel everything with them and— the camera was set a million miles away from them in a very awkward angle and an unpratical setting that deflected most of the intensity of the scene for me?

I’m not sure what was the intention here. I guess there was the symbolism of the stairs with Alex climbing them and Henry running down to him and the parallel with the KP night scene and the idea of being a distant (un-allowed) witness to something very intimate and maybe the idea of making it a bit messy and not hollywoodish for realism? I also imagine Henry collapsing on Alex made more sense on stairs but— I don’t know. I would have been happier with a different setting.

So yeah, these are a few moments I didn't get the feeling(s) the movie was trying to make me feel but didn’t quite succeed certainly because of elements that weren’t related to the cast's work.

Anyway, thanks again for reading my posts so throughtfully and sending these asks, it was fun 💜

[elizabethplaid]

feb 15 notes, part 2!

Today's a game of good-news/bad-news, but I'm feelin' pretty chuffed (not my usual slang, but it feels right). Notes from earlier in the day are here.

Starts with some bullet-points, then into slightly longer discussion of the near-future.

G- Was in bed and horizontal before 7:30am, phone down before 9am

B- Woke up a couple-few times, maybe got 4 hours of sleep total.

B- Woke by realizing I was picking at my skin in my sleep

G- Put on lotion instead of picking at my skin more, to help me calm down. Somewhat helpful? Clearly, I need to stim, but I need it in a more positive sense than picking.

N- Up and out of bed around 1:30ish. Little jittery but mentally fine.

G- Used acetone to remove my nail polish, then clipped my nails. It's been like 3-4 weeks since the last clip. (Should help with picking, I hope)

N- Nearly out of acetone. Considering I got that big bottle 10+ years ago, that's pretty good. Will need to get another bottle of that and maybe some non-acetone nail polish remover, specifically for non-hobby use.

G- Our late-xmas Amazon order items are arriving. Today was a new camera remote (for the dslr) and a Breaking Benjamin cd

------------

I plan to knit this evening, hopefully catch up with the YT videos I've been avoiding. (I'd wanted to be in a certain mindset while making the bracelets, so I limited what I'd watch during those instances.)

Need to revisit some of last night's music. There was a fun compilation of 90s music, and a few songs were delightful nostalgia. Got misty with a few, too. Those and the ASMR thing from earlier are things I want to make separate posts about. Not quite a "crying log" like @champagnemanagement does, but at least wanting to note things for this time period (eg February, the time I've set aside for mental health).

I've asked to have stew for dinner on Sunday. That day marks 11 years since mom has passed. I had some metaphoric connection of her passing/my grief and stew, but I've forgotten the exact words. It's a comfort meal; it's got more veg than other things I eat. Dad was always more of a cook than mom. He likes to do all the work for this meal, but I enjoy getting to chat with him while he chops veg and such.

Phone friend has expressed interest in visiting, which I've mentioned to dad before. I hope to discuss these plans with my dad, while he's busy prepping the stew. I think dad and phone friend would get along well in person. But we're gonna hang out in Ellsworth for this visit, rather than hanging out in my town. (I still plan to inflict the "Pledge of Allegiance" Burma Shave signs on them, muahaha.)

Amid all our texting, I've had some good insights - stuff worthy of recounting to my counselor. So I'm thinking of taking screenshots, then transcribing the images. I have another week until the next session, so I have time to at least skim for notes. I like having that record, for better recollection and processing of info for later.

Revisiting older notes from previous years earlier has been helpful. Certainly gives me perspective and comfort about how far I've come. When going through some books a couple days ago, I found my copy of Steven Levenkron's "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation", including some notes I stashed between the pages. I'm curious to observe my growth since those days (ie 2009). Though I didn't cut, my skin-picking has been similar.

I know that this isn't LiveJournal, and I don't reveal all my thoughts and secrets like I used to on that platform. But I hope some of these discussions might help others, as I have been helped by others' writings over the years. The shame and stigma of mental health adventures will still linger, even as our cultural understanding develops over time. Sharing these bits of our inner-selves with others gives me hope that we'll be okay in the end. Progress is progress, even in tiny bits and steps.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Tomura Shigaraki x AllMight!Daughter!Reader

Chapter 9

Premis:

When The League of Villains discovers that AllMight has a daughter, they are quick to snatch you up and hold you hostage. Shigaraki had a careful and thought out plan, but that was before you got there. Now you’re in the mood for some not-so-healthy rebellion.

Word count: 2,756

Warnings: Cursing

A/N:

Oh dear lord I'm slow at getting these out. Life's been kickin' my ass lately. But thank you to everyone who's been giving me feedback on my stuff, I really love to hear from you guys!

Taglist: 

(So sorry, I forgot when I originally posted!) 

@craftybean13 @babayaga67 @imjustverable

@bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love

@kamenoyaki @hentaiqween101 @skzero-99 @justanotherlifeff

@witch-o-memes​

Chapter 8 Chapter 10

Two months. You've been "missing" for two months now. The days flew by, your time occupied by quirk training Shigaraki insisted on but never told you why. The times you tried to ask he'd brush it off, or say something like:

"So you don’t throw another fit." His words were harsh but he said them with a flat and bored tone. Like it was a poorly acted line.

So now you had better control. You could move things on command, you knew basic combat, you certainly knew how to kick Dabi's ass by now, that didn't take too long. You were being allowed more and more freedom. Even allowed to leave for a convenience store runs with Toga once or twice. No one policed you, told you what you could and could not do anymore. You could have easily ran away by now. You supposed they really didn't need you either. For their plan to work all they would need was some blood and Toga could easily pass as you.

That idea sent a shiver down your spine. You're sure Shigaraki has thought of that already, so why hadn't he? Why was he training you? Would he use your quirk against the heroes in some way? Was he grooming you to turn and fight your father? You wouldn't. No matter what you wouldn't fight your father. Would you? You shook yourself of this thought as you walked down the ally to the back door of the hide out.

Toga unlocked the door and you stepped in, greeted by a dark and dingy back room. You made your way through the dark halls, following closely behind her as she led you up the stairs that finally led to the parts of the building with power. Soon you found yourself walking to the familiar living space where a few people rested. Dabi laid himself out on one of the couches, Spinner sat fiddling with his burner phone, and Twice had started yelling at the TV before you arrived.

"Luuuunch!" Toga shouted. Toga was often used as the errand girl, she brought back necessary supplies, oftentimes food. Today Toga asked you to tag along and help out, and there wasn't a single objection to the hostage going out on the town. You sat the heavy bags down on the coffee table, taking out the contents as you spoke.

"Where are the others?" You asked.

"Mr. Compress was sent on an errand of his own. And Shigaraki's probably pouting in his room. He'll come out when he's hungry." Dabi groaned as he took his meal from your hand.

"Oh. I'll just bring it to him." You said, absent-minded. All eyes turned to you, looking confused and shocked. "What?" You asked.

"Nothing! It's just-"

"He doesn't like to be disturbed." Toga and Twice spoke. You paused and looked at the box in your hand. It would get cold if he didn't eat soon, and besides, none of you had had much to eat lately, you were sure he was hungry. You knew you were.

"I'll just leave it at the door and knock. It'll get cold and then he'll be in an even worse mood." You told them. They watched you turn and walk up the stairs to his "room". You stood in front of the door, with such thin walls you could hear furious typing on the other side. Loud clicking of a mouse, and the sound of a computer's fan. You took a deep breath and softly knocked on the door. Suddenly the sounds abruptly stopped, followed by a bark.

"What!?"

"Foods here." You called back. You heard footsteps on the other side growing louder and louder until the door flew open. You stared up at the tall man as he looked down on you. His hair hung over his face, his eyes hardly visible. Your heart rate quickened the longer you looked at him. What the hell is wrong with you?

"Give it to me." He held out his hand, his pinky holding out in preparation to receive the box.

"You said you liked spice stuff, right?" You asked as you placed it in his hand.

"Yeah."

"We got you their spicy special. I hope it's not too much. The sign said 'caution' on it." He scoffed at you, turning the box and looking at the writing on it. He fell very quiet. Inspecting the box, you suddenly worried that something was wrong with it. That maybe you'd messed up somehow. But before your anxiety could reach its peak-

"Thank you." His voice was low and soft. You could hardly hear him. Then before you could respond he closed the door and left you alone again. Did he really say that? You never heard him say that to anyone. Granted, you hardly knew him but still, the way he said it, it made you feel... special in some way. You shook yourself from your train of thought and shuffled down the hallway, pausing when you heard movement and the door to Shigaraki's room open. You froze.

"Wait a minute." He barked. You turned too look at him. He hung out of the doorway to stare at you.

"W-What?" You asked. Shigaraki had a way of making people feel like they were in trouble. His ability to easily become an authority figure was something you were beginning to understand now.

"You...went out?" You nodded. He paused and looked away, his eyes shifting as the gears spun in his head. He turned back into his room as he spoke, "come here for a second." He asked. You slowly made your way to his room, the door left wide for you to peak inside. A dark room lit by portable light fixtures and a laptop computer which sat on an old desk. A cot thrown to the corner covered by the same old and tattered blankets the rest of you had.

"Am I... in trouble?" You croaked.

"What? No. Close the door behind you, you'll let in a draft." He ordered, seeming genuinely confused by your question. You closed the door behind you, leaving you completely alone with him in his space. Your heart raced.

You watched him turn and look up at the wall which he had decorated with plans. Pictures of heroes and villains cut out and pinned. Newspaper clippings, printed out articles and research essays. He was planning something, but what it was was difficult to determine. You did notice however, a cut out of an empty figure with your name on it pinned to the center of it all. You stared at it for a second before he broke you from your train of thought.

"Well?"

"Huh!?"

"What do you think?" He asked. His attention turned to his meal, he picked at it, taking a few bites.

"Of what?"

"...the plan." You looked back at the wall, puzzled you tried your best to gain any sort of information from it. Only being able to find bits and pieces. You knew it involved you, your father, and the take down of hero society. A cut out piece of article said something about the rise of villains, that more and more people were turning to villain work. How those rates have a correlation with classes. You slowly turned back to look at him.

"I'm sorry you're gonna have to explain this to me." You told him. He rolled his eyes and stood, directing his attention to his work as he spoke.

"This is the second part of the plan."

"What was the first?"

"Taking you as a hostage."

"Right. But, didn't you say the plan was to expose the heroes after they weren't able to rescue me and not only expose the faulty heroes but also my father as a neglectful and flawed individual not worthy of the hero title?" He paused.

"Yes."

"But that didn't go as planned."

"....."

"Didn't you say something about making a video to broadcast outing myself as All Might's daughter and causing panic? What happened to that plan?"

"It became leverage. If they attempt to come for you, then we'll go with that. But if we do that now, they'll come for you now and we'll be forced to fight."

"Isn't a fight...a good thing? You'd get news coverage and You'd no doubt gain supporters."

"Normally it would. But a fight isn't what we need right now. The heroes have us surrounded. If we make any move at all, we're in their hands. We won't be able to win."

"Not even with your quirk? Couldn't you-"

"Not with everyone here. As strong as I've gotten, I'm not strong enough to keep them from getting swept up and dusted too."

"Right."

"We're in a tight spot. One wrong move and we'll be wiped out."

"What about your supporters? Couldn't you get help from the outside."

"I could, but the heroes would see it coming. They have our signal tapped. Any sort of communication has to be verbal or written."

"Homing pigeon?" You offered. It made him smirk.

"Right now we're like a fox trapped in its own hole by hunters."

"So... we dig?" That made him smile, wide.

"Dig. If we could smuggle ourselves out of the city, we could reach a clear spot where we can call for backup to get us."

"Why not send one person to smuggle themselves out? Toga could easily disguise herself and leave."

"They have a barrier."

"What?"

"Part of the city is closed off until further notice. They know exactly where we are. If one gets out, they won't hesitate to come for all of us. We all have to get out at once and they can't notice until it's too late."

"But how the hell are you gonna do that?" His smile widened. He looked truly excited and happy. For the first time you saw your capture seem truly excited about something.

"We have a few secret recruits in the city. Spies." He turned his attention back to his meal box, reaching in to pull out the inner box that held the food, to reveal a piece of paper sitting underneath in the flimsy take out box. "I didn't know they were letting you out of the base now." He spoke as he opened and read the note within the box.

"I thought, you knew. I thought you were the one that said I could. Dabi said it was fine." He read the note and stood to pin it up on the wall before speaking.

"I've been too busy with this to worry about you. You shouldn't believe everything that Dabi says. I told him to make sure you just don't have another episode and cause a scene before we leave. I thought assigning him babysitting duty would keep him busy." He chuckled. "There's just one thing I don't understand." He turned back to you. "Why didn't you leave?"

"I...I..."

"You had the opportunity, but you're still here. Why?" You froze. Why? Why didn't you run?

"I was scared I'd be killed." You lied. He laughed at you.

"Don't lie to me. You lost that fear a long time ago. You know that's not true. If I wanted you dead I would have killed you a long time ago."

"You've kept me alive to use me as bate. To, to expose the truth." You argued.

"With Toga, we wouldn't need to." You swallowed hard. You knew he had thought about this.

"I'll tell you why I stayed, if you tell me why you've been training me." He scoffed.

"To keep you busy, to keep you from having another episode."

"That doesn't make sense. You could have drugged me, killed me, you said it yourself. But you kept me alive, you kept me busy. You could have kept me on my meds, unable to use it at all but you insisted I learn my quirk. You trained me yourself. Why?" His smile faded and his expression became dark.

"I asked you first." He growled. You looked away from him and thought for a moment before gaining the strength to answer. You knew the truth for a while now. You never wanted to say it out loud. You refused to look at him as you spoke.

"I don't wanna go back. But you probably already knew that by now. You just wanted to hear me say it, huh?" His smirk returned.

"Had a hunch." He snickered.

"Now you answer me."

"Why don't you wanna go back?"

"We had a deal. Answer my question now." You barked at him. It took him a long pause. A full minute of waiting in silence felt like agony.

"I thought it would help you feel better." He muttered in a surprisingly husky tone. "Keep you from asking me to dust you again." That's right, during your episode...

"I'm sorry." You blurted.

"What?"

"I'm sorry I... I asked you to kill me." You hid your face from him. He shifted and crossed his arms across his chest.

"It's not a big deal, I dust people all the time."

"No, I know. But like, I can't imagine being asked to by someone having a fucking break down happens all the time too. I kinda...kinda put you in a shitty position." When you looked up, he looked confused. Comically so. "What?"

"I took you hostage." He reminded you. You couldn't help but chuckle, that made him more confused.

"Shit, yeah, you're right. Guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself huh?" He looked away. "Still. My intentions weren't to upset you."

"You didn't upset me."

"It seems like I upset you." You toyed. His guard was down, he was vulnerable, and allowing you to be there.

"Shut up. You didn't answer my other question!" He shouted in an almost playful tone. You couldn't help but smile, only to have it slowly fade as you thought about your second answer.

"I don't want to go back because..." you stopped, the words getting stuck in your throat. You were unable to speak. He looked down at you, waiting for an answer. He seemed almost relaxed. He seemed normal. Like a normal guy leaning against the wall of his bedroom with his arms folded across his chest. Your eyes wandered up to his scarred neck, bright red scabs forming. Inflamed and fresh. He had recently scratched at it again, clearly in an upset state too. When he blinked you got a clear view of the scarring around his eyes.

"Boss!" A familiar voice shouted from outside the door. "Boss!" Before you could move the door was thrown open, Spinner's wide eyes finding you standing there. He shook his confusion loose before turning back to Shigaraki who quickly changed his position to attention. "Come quick!"

You followed him back to the living space where the old television sat. The news playing loudly as everyone gathered around to watch in panic. Swat teams and heroes decorated the screen as shot after shot showed them surrounding your building. Fear ran from your toes to your head, making you feel nauseous and dizzy. Shit. Shit. Shit. They're here for you. But you...you weren't ready to leave. And what about-

"Not again! - We can take 'em'!" Twice shouted at it like a sport was playing.

"Tomura, what are we going to do!?" Toga asked, frantically bobbing up and down in panic. He watched the TV intently listening in.

"After receiving a tip from an anonymous source, police and heroes found missing tourist Y/L/N Y/N being held captive by The League of Villains in this abandoned office building. Officials are working now to safely rescue the hostage."

Suddenly a loud voice was heard both on TV and through the halls of the building.

"League of Villains. We have you surrounded. Please let Y/L/N go and no one will be hurt." A cop shouted through a megaphone.

"C'mon Shigaraki, what's the plan?" Dabi asked, clearly starting to get uncomfortable. Before Shigaraki could respond, you spoke.

"Well, looks like this is it for me." You began walking away, only to be stopped by a strong, four-fingered grip pulling you back.

"Where do you think you're going!?" He growled.

"The jig is up, Shigaraki! Let me go! I'm not useful anymore. All they want is me, if I'm out of your hair you'll be able to escape easier." His grip tightened, pulling you closer as his red eyes bore into yours.

"So long as you're here they won't dare make a move. You're still my most valuable player. You're staying right here."

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hi! I love your Sanders sides fics but I didn't have any ideas to request until now, I read a small fic (I can't remember the account) where Deceit is done with being rejected by the 'light sides' and Thomas, and just leaves. Idk could you write something where he goes to the reader's house and lets all his frustrations out? (with angst prompt #14 please!)

Thank you! But oof, I’m always up for some Deceit angst~

14) “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

………

Of all the things you expected to hear that evening, the sound of rapid knocking certainly wasn’t one of them. 

But as it persisted, you hollered out a “hang on!!” as you got up from the sofa and headed to the front door. You checked out the window first, just in case, being surprised to see Thomas’ car parked just outside your home. 

‘Odd..usually he’d call first..’ You thought, although you just shrugged it off and opened the door.

Only to realize it was Janus standing there.

“Jan? What the..did you steal Thomas car?!” A shocked yet angry expression crossed your features, but strangely enough, the serpentine Side didn’t reply with any snarky comeback like he usually did.

He just stared at you, looking almost..hurt and broken in a way. And that concerned you as your gaze softened. “Alright, just come in before the neighbors see you.”

“Thanksss..” Janus drawled out as he removed his hat, entering your home. When you shut your door, you turned around to see him on your couch, hunched over. A gloved hand was pressed to his mouth as he tried to hold back…a sob?

Now this was most unusual for him.

“What’s going on?” You joined him on the couch, looking at him with worry. “You know you’re taking a lot of risks-”

“I know I shouldn’t be doing this but..I just…I can’t take them anymore.”

“Who?”

“You know “who”. Haven’t you seen the videos?!” Janus frowned at you, tears shimmering in his eyes. “It’s obvious no matter what I say, they all find ways to twist my words around and make me out to be some villain!” 

His shoulders slumped as he sighed tiredly, leaning his head on your own shoulder. “Is..this alright? I totally don’t need some physical reassurance right now.”

“..it’s okay to admit that you do.” You wrapped an arm around him comfortingly. “C’mon, you don’t fool me with those silly lies.”

“I know,” he huffed. “And I’m sure Thomas is better off without me telling him “silly lies”.

“What do you mean?” A knot in your stomach began to form. “Don’t tell me you..”

“I removed all traces of myself from his subconscious. Now he has no reason to lie and keep things to himself anymore. None of them do.”

Your eyes widened in horror. “Janus..you..you can’t just do that!”

“And why not?” Sitting up, he glared at you. “Virgil’s done the same thing-”

“And Thomas was a mess without him,” you pointed out. “You of all people should know that just ducking out like that puts him in danger-”

“Well if all of them could stop trying to shut me out and act like I don’t matter-!!” However, he stopped himself, looking at you with that same heartbroken gaze he had when you saw him at your door. 

Then he sighed shakily, tears welling in his eyes again. “I’m sorry..i-it’s..wrong of me to take this out on you. This isn’t your issue.”

“No, it’s fine.” You gently cupped his cheek, brushing his scales with your thumb in a soothing manner. Fortunately it seemed to calm him, but only a little, as he closed his eyes. “Take deep breaths. It’s okay.”

“B-But it’s not..” His voice broke as he laid his hand over yours. “I..don’t believe I’m worthy of being considered a part of Thomas, or worthy of any of his friends’ time. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve..you. Why didn’t you just shut the door on me?”

“Because I know you only want what’s best for Thomas.”

Janus opened his eyes, surprised by your response. But before you could elaborate, your phone began ringing in your pocket. “Hang on..” You pulled it out and looked to see it was Thomas’ number. 

“Oh..this can’t be good..”

Answering the call, you put your phone on speaker. “Hey Tho-”

However you were cut off by the sound of heart-wrenching sobs on the other end of the line, making you extremely worried now. “Thomas? What’s wrong?”

“I-It’s..It’s Logan. A-Apologies for responding this way but..w-we’re out of options.”

“Logan?“ You were stunned to hear that he was the one crying. Usually he was so calm and collected. Something was definitely wrong back at Thomas’ place if one of his Sides had his phone, and not Thomas himself. “What’s going on?”

“I’m so sorry for not being more..o-open with you or anyone. I’m suppose to be logic..e-emotions just get in the way of my productivity but..I want to feel something so badly. I know what I-I’m saying is illogical but..i-it just hurts, [y/n]..”

Janus’ eyes widened in disbelief, although he remained silent as you continued talking to Logan. “It’s alright, Lo. It’s alright to admit those things. How is everyone else?”

“N-Not well, I’m afraid,” he muttered, sniffling. “Deceit’s complete absence has rendered us unable to generate any li..f-falsehoods. Our previous negative assumptions of him were..wrong. Have you seen him anywhere?”

“He’s with me. I’ll bring him back over. Is Thomas okay?”

“Physically yes, but emotionally? I’m..not so sure. He didn’t want to reach out to you in fear of being..burdensome, so I took up the liberty.”

“Okay, well thank you for doing that for him. Dee and I will be right over.”

“Thank you, [y/n]. We’ll see you both soon…”

With that, Logan hung up, and you sighed, putting your phone back in your pocket before you looked to Janus. Tears were just streaming down his face now, which he buried into his hands. 

“Y-You shouldn’t have told him..”